Over the past few months, I've had a mental "things that are happening before Canada" list to go through. It's been quite a nice little list, allowing me to live happily in denial of the fact that I'm leaving the country. But it's now a matter of days before I leave. Not weeks, not months, but days, and I find myself nearing the end of my list.
Summer term music events: Check
Say goodbye to Exeter: Check
Nash Choir: Check
Vicar party: Check
Leaving party: Check
All that's left now is a farewell meal with my family, and then that's it. No more events or trips. Just Canada. Well, apart from packing, but that ordeal warrants a blog post of its own (watch this space).
And with my list of events also came a list of goodbyes. When someone you love leaves, even only temporarily, saying goodbye is always emotional, I find. When you're the one leaving, it's the same goodbye, only you have to do it a lot more times. And some goodbyes aren't that hard. The friends you probably wouldn't have seen for a year anyway, the flatmate you didn't see that much of, the people you saw in rehearsals but weren't that close to. They're easy goodbyes, requiring nothing more than a "have a good year" and a friendly hug. But then come the other goodbyes: the horrible goodbyes. First there were the new friends: the people in Exeter who were wonderful to you all year and welcomed you into the group. The next goodbye was to the county music friends, some of whom you'll miss more than others. Included in that is the girl who is practically your little sister, who is joyously cheery and special and intelligent and for whom you wish nothing but good things. Then we had the gay best friend, who lets you ramble and rant about anything, just because you can. Next came the friend who, completely out of the blue, you became ridiculously close to one choir course when you bonded over ducks, and who somehow ended up at the same uni as you, and without whose weekly catchups, Wednesday evenings will never be the same. And the most recent goodbye was the first of two people without whom this past year would not have been possible.
And while many tears have already been shed and are currently being shed, there are plenty more to come. God only knows what will happen when I have to say goodbye to the second of the aforementioned two people. Add to that my childhood best friends, my sister and my parents, and I'm looking set to have a pretty emotional 5 days ahead of me.
Because that's all it is: 5 days. And while somewhere in my mind I know fine well that excitement is brewing, it's currently proving quite difficult to find behind a lot of emotion and just a smidgen of "Oh my goodness, I'm f**king terrified."
So while I wait for the excitment to inevitably resurface, I apologise for the rambling emotional blog post and say this to you: I love you, and I'm going to miss you like crazy.